Relationship Advice

Relationship Readiness:

So, you want to fall in love? You are certainly old enough and moving well along your chosen career path. Many of your friends are either married or in committed relationships. You have grown weary of the singles scene and the solitary life. Therefore, you must be ready, right? Not necessarily.< p/> So what is relationship readiness anyway? Exactly, what it says. You are adequately capable of handling the commitment and challenges that a healthy, intimate relationship requires.

How do you know if you are ready? What are the characteristics you need to have or acquire in order to be ready for true love?

There are three primary areas that you should explore in order to assess your present state of readiness. Other areas that are important will be discussed in the next relationship advice article.

. 1. Timing

Relationship ready is a difficult concept following a break up. It is often made more difficult when you have been in a one on one relationship with the same partner or spouse for a number of years. We sometimes model our former partners behaviors and our sense of self was often defined by the role that you as an individual within a partnership played in the marriage. Fathe, mother, spouse, social secretary, workaholic. There may be some left over resentment with regard to your perceptions of “being used” or taken for granted. There are two primary areas that you should explore in order to assess your present state of readiness.

2. Reflect upon your past traumas and related major issues.

You should mentally review these and honestly look at how well you have already addressed and resolved them.

As you work through each, ask yourself, "Is this impacting me negatively in my present life." Also explore the possibility that the issue could become problematic once you have entered into an intimate relationship. If you believe that there are things you have not yet adequately dealt with, you need to go to work on these. If you are unsure, then they bear closer examination. Consider utilizing resources such as therapy or joining a support group.

An example of such issues can include, but not be limited to; emotional, physical or sexual abuse in childhood, parents' divorce, loss of a parent or other loved one, or a past abusive or dysfunctional love relationship. It is also important to impart your frailties to the person you are dating.

However you cannot expect compassion and understanding of your fears without some revelation. It is important that you inform the person that you are dating that you are doing something about it. I counselled many individuals that were divorcing on the time it takes to move emotionally forward after what may have been a shock separation. In other words difficult break ups do leave scars and most separation issues take time to work through and heal. Informing your partner of your frailties is not suggesting that you should air your past experiences in detail. Nor should you be vying for a sympathy vote. Of course the person you are dating may not be able to handle what they may see as a weakness or a drawback to moving forward in a healthy manner. That’s okay isn’t it important to be with someone who is caring and understanding.

2. Self awareness scale:

If you do not possess adequate self knowledge and a positive sense of self; an intimate relationship will be difficult or impossible to sustain.

For instance, do you know yourself well enough to answer the following?

Can you state your most deeply held values?

Do you know what you can't live with or without in a relationship?

Do you have a good grasp of your life goals?

Do you know your own strengths and weaknesses?